The Audio Post That Never Was

Bone Machine and I stepped out on the town this evening. As you can see, and hear, things got a little fuzzy starting with the Red Hots and Nerds (watch it, I'm talkin' candy here!). I got so giggly that I couldn't even talk into the phone and make my audio post. Bone Machine was fighting the sucky Nerds packaging as usual!!

After that, it just got worse. We even had the nice lady at Krispy Kreme laughing.

There's a nice fire truck in one of these images. Or was it an ambulance? Hell, I don't know. I was too hopped up on the sugar to be able to remember.

So count this as a postcard from the edge of a Sugar OD.

Mr. Clinical

Mr. Clinical, that’s me. I can handle with style a situation that might cause any other person to fold with embarrassment. I can be objective, matter-of-fact, and truthful while retaining my tact. I am, a gentleman. I also have a naughty mind. I’m not completely innocent, I am an old geezer after all.

For sometime before the procedure happened, I got a little concerned. There was some discussion of details and the thought process of the “whys” and “how-comes”. I was happy to listen, offer support and make outlandish comments in an attempt to lighten the mood and well, make myself not so nervous about the situation. I’m known for my wild remarks, but actually, I can quite easily get red-faced. It’s sad when you can walk down an aisle in Blockbuster and make yourself blush. (Heck, some of my own posts make me blush.)

Since I’m not the rugged type, I’m pretty leery about “going under the knife” and having some work done. The thought of being knocked out, cut on, have stuff moved around (or whatever the procedure calls for) makes me concerned. I start to analyze and think about all the options. Often it’s this part that starts the trouble. So anyway, she comes to me with the announcement of the possibility of needing to go to the operating table. I listen as best I can without trying to rush in and cause unnecessary fear, but to also make sure the bases have been covered. I am easily my naughty self and work at being at being someone that gives thoughtful feedback.

As the date nears, I get more comfortable with the talk and open up on the old joke throttle. Most are accepted with a nice smile and laughter. Some get the “that’s too far” look, but is quickly lost in the beauty of her eyes. I am sure I fumbled at the rebound, but she is generous and lets me slide. Then it was the date, and she would be gone for a few days. I would wonder if my jokes went above and beyond good taste. If not, I had obviously slipped, but maybe saved face and she would return allowing me to stay in good graces. When she did, she smiled and said:

“Well, how do they look?!?”

In my mind, the gentleman got his throat compressed and his nads where threatened with the steel toed boots that sit in the corner of my dark coconut. But he miraculously regained his conscious in time to politely say they looked great. And indeed, they do.

Yesterday I actually passed on seeing how they felt. I’m in my office and she beamingly makes the offer. Now how could I refuse? You have a beautiful blonde in your office, beaming brightly and she’s asking your opinion of how the twins feel. It’s an amazing moment of contradiction for me. How can I not be Lenny & Squiggy, bite the palm of my hand and lunge at her like Mr. Hyde?! But I declined. I held fast to the Dr. Jekyll part of me and suggested that perhaps the work environment was not the place. I felt like a jerk, but a jerk who NEEDS the tiny ass paycheck he gets.

Today, after lunch, more people were out of the office than usual. Brightly she asks again. I smile and offer my hand and say, “You know you’re going to have to take it don’t you?” Smiling, she does and…

DAYUM if those aren’t some F.I.N.E. BOOBIES!

Oh, sorry.

In all honesty, while it has been sometime since I have had such an experience, these are as nice and as authentic as any I’ve ever been exposed to. (Further testing is of course encouraged.)

While the packaging before was just fine, HOO-Ray for BOO-Bays!!

Phrase for the day that is July 29.

Hambone deluxe.

Paint The Mutha Paink

This morning at the Bloggerific homestead.

Apparently the "laugh track" of Mork & Mindy made itself known.

"Daddy? Why do they put lots of laughs in shows when we don't even (laugh)?", Asks Bloggy Jr.

Dadda says, "hehe Well, they put that in so you know it's okay to laugh at that part because they're *trying* to be funny."

"Oh. Well, that's a rip-off! I don't even get it!"

___

Mocha Rice Crispies

Dadda to Bloggy Jr., "Want some Crispies this morning for breakfast?"

Bloggy Jr., "Sure! But this time I just want them in a mug with no milk. Or sugar."

*mumbled curse words from the kitchen as a groggy Dadda seems to have poured the Rice Crispies into the wrong mug*

___


"Friends" that don't wave at you as you pass them at the entrance to their neighborhood have sucky packaging and cannot possibly be forgiven even if they were sleepy.

:P

Fitting In At The Spherical Grocery Store

<<<<<<

While at the spherical grocery store…

Stealing or making a mess on aisle 9 just to get away with something? Comparison shopping trying to get the perfect deal? Got a little lonely and wanted to feel up the melons and check out all the members of Team Sex Appeal? Maybe you wanted to talk to the girl at check-out with the impressive, titillating news. Checking up on a competitor and wanting to keep the upper hand? Generally complaining about the display or packaging around you? Wondering if your visit was unnecessary and wasted time, or if you were diverted here for a reason? Jealous of that quality of meat in the other customer’s cart?

Do you hunt and peck, or seek and destroy?

Make or avoid eye contact? Did you have to think to smile at the passersby?

What does it imply that you’re stocking up for winter on condoms, lube and Depends?


Maybe you’re part of the work force and came for your employee discount while you wonder what’s taking Jonny & Jimmy so long to come out of the freezer.

Perhaps you oversee the self-checker lanes and go for quantity interactions rather than quality.

Or the manager with the game-face walking the tightrope of call-ins and getting the customer to shut up… so you… can get… the cash …and go on to the next.

Are you the gray one in the back just clocking out for the last time as you head to the realm of retirement and changed your mind at the last minute to not set this world on fire?

Could you be the person to place the stock order only to “mistakenly” order too few feminine hygiene products? The one who repeatedly forgets to get the proper sized change order so that Bob runs out on his late shift?

Do you play God as you choose between fresh and not-so-fresh produce?

*groggily* “Excuse me? Peas? Fresh, frozen or canned?” *deep breath* “They’re that way.”

What I (We) Did On My (Our) Summer Vacation

If I don’t short out the keyboard as the sweat drops shoot out of every poor of my body as if they were rats leaving the ship (and who could blame them?) I want to share a few moments from our vacation.

1. First meal of our vacation was at the House of Canton Restaurant. It was great, and we chose to eat there as they are beginning to move to a new location. I thought maybe it would be our last at this location, but it seems we have until the end August until the move is final.
2. At his own suggestion, Bloggy Jr. did some chores early on in the vacation to earn some spending cash. He’s ACHING to own the new “Destroy all Humans” on X-box. So a little toy picking up here and there and some dishes got him a couple steps closer.
3. One of our first outings was to the local art museum. I hadn’t been in years and we’d talked about going several times and I’m not sure why we hadn’t been before now as much as we both love art. I managed to forget that museums don’t want you to be able to make lasting memories with a camera and walked in past the lady at the front desk with my camera bag. She was on the phone, but smiled and waved as we past. It seems we also passed up a 3”x3” sign telling us cameras weren’t allowed. Ooops. Fortunately another kind and polite lady pointed out my error and I managed to put the camera back in the bag. Had I been able to take any photos of the exhibits, they might have looked like these seen here.
4. After our visit to Chuck E Cheese, I took Bloggy Jr out to buy his first new comics. Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Sonic the Hedgehog and Teen Titans have now been added to the oldies I passed along to him. We even began work on our second comic.
5. The movies we watched: The Incredibles, Independence Day (fast forwarded through the scary alien scene), Abbott and Costello in The Foreign Legion, Jason and the Argonauts…and, at the theatre, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! Yes, we had Wonka candy during the film.
6. Between much Xbox gaming, we managed to play some Frog Tennis and even follow some directions to build a snazzy K’nex motorcycle. We made another batch of silly putty and took apart an Xbox controller so we could get out the motors that make the thing vibrate during heated battles. (They still work with a 9-volt.)
7. Thanks to the freakin’ heat we pretty much managed to take in only the art museum and the local SpeedZeum (which is a museum dedicated, mostly, to racing and the like). Oh, and we had TONS of homemade shakes and sundaes, and several ice cream sandwiches.
8. We even got Jack in the tub to take in a bath in between his ice cube treats.
9. Bloggy Jr. also managed to get a Venus Flytrap he called “Charlie.” So now when Charlie the Venus Flytrap looses “mouths” Derek the Tree gets a “vitamin.” :)
10. Bloggy Jr. also got a bunch of cool stuff from my desk drawer that was just dying to get some attention from a cool dude.

Whew!

Now I get to go to work on Wednesday. I. Am. So. Thrilled.

Bloggy Jr. would like to add that “Speedeez Toys packaging sucks with all the tape and twist ties and stuff. Exactly!”

In the dog days of summer, some days you're the dog and some days you're the hydrant. 

Fone Gishin’

As the brain cooks the heat, and dissolving stuffs are puffled, I chossing time to break a tavacion. Resuming blogstries when I turner from a deif breparture.

Wednesday, yeah, probabthy then I’ll be here to annoy each and every boy and girl and who will have a jubilee.

Until then, remember drink lots of tater tots, keep your feet the fan and keep reaching for the bazaars.

-That Guy

Christian County Kentucky is so

Christian County Kentucky is so lovely this time of year. But the PB and chocolate snack had Sucky Packing!!

Tommy Womack

Tommy Womack combines lyrical storytelling and effortless performance, with a dash of comedic outlook. Coming onstage with guitar and harmonica, Tommy paints the backdrop and the main characters with song and a realism that reaches far beyond this part of the country. Tommy’s ability to comment on life without unnecessary harshness makes for thoughtful entertainment... with a beat. If he’s in your area, don’t miss him and you can thank Bone Machine later, just as I do now.

Last night Tommy Womack was witnessed again by the boys of YPS!! along with The Almighty. I have Bone Machine to thank for this and the first TW Time. As I fumble through life with dulled senses, Bone Machine has been there time and time again to kick me in the jimmy and bring me to my senses. Music may touch everyone in one way or another, but I think some of us breathe it in to a deeper part of our beings than others.

This year and last, I was fortunate enough to have a jimmy kick in the form of Tommy’s participation in the “Coffee and Chords” series of musical performances. It doesn’t get much better than getting with friends, having a LARGE mocha and kicking back to some tunes.

If you aren’t able to take in a Tommy Womack performance, well, Your Packaging Sucks!!

And Bone Machine? Saaaaaaaaaa-luuuuuuuuute!

Mirrored Images: Just before the show, Tommy readies himself outside.

Grinders: Internet access, coffee, and a smiling artist just before the gig. (Check out the flyer to the right of Tommy.)











Fans: More than just the spinning sort.

Tommy: NOT Toby.


Coffee: Mmmmm.

Teen Packaging of 1985 -- UPDATED RE: Comments

What a weekend, eh? (I know, it’s Tuesday, but hey, give me a break.)

It all started with sketti. Now I know Bone Machine pretty well and he’s going to read that first line and think of this scraggly red-headed dude we used to know and a phrase that is now infamous between…well at least two of us.

See, Bone Machine and I just discussed this the other day and perhaps you can help us solve the mystery. Back around 1987 (still with me? I skipped a bit didn’t I?) among all the colorful people I associated with, was this particular curly headed bastard I mentioned above. No, not Bone Machine! This scraggly guy to whom I won’t even bother assigning those annoyingly vague Blog Initials that you see in all the other blogs. *Giggling at his taunting of his fellow bloggers* You know the ones, “I screwed K last night. Oh boy was K hot in bed. Bla bla bla K, bla bla.” Yeah, you’re annoyed ain’t ya? So this red-headed beastie, we’ll call him D…doh! Well fuck it. So D at one point in a very obscure conversation I’m sure let out the magical phrase of the month. I don’t remember the conversation, the context or nuttin’. I don’t remember where on campus the phrase was muttered. I only remember the phrase. Actually, I don’t even think when it was laid there on the table it was even directly connected to the goings on. Thus, the confusion. So anyway, here we all were (whoever we were) and D says:

“Butt Sketti.”

After I unwrinkled my nose and brow, I had to laugh. “Huh huh huh, Butt Sketti!” I was transformed into Beavis before Beavis was.

But none of that matters because I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout D. I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout love. And I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout butt sketti. I’m just talkin’ about regular ole sketti.

Friday night I pick up my boy after work and I cooked us some…Mmmmm… sketti. It was tasty. The boy sucked it down and was disappointed when there were no more noodles to be had. Even more so when I informed him that I gave what noodles were left…to the dog. Jackie loves his noodle(s).

Nothing like a good plate of sketti. That’s pretty much the same sentiment another buddy of mine used to have. This character, we’ll avoid calling R, managed to get his ass hauled away to jail somewhere around 1986 and I never heard from him again. He used to love to consume his sketti and things that aren’t legal in the state of Kentucky. (Or any other state for that matter.) I can remember hanging with that boy and the people on his street. This one girl and her little sister both had their eyes on me and I had my eyes on the little sister’s…armpits. No really, I did. She apparently hadn’t yet shaved for the century and it was showin’ and this ain’t even France. We were all in some discussion and I couldn’t get R’s attention. I kept elbowing him, and looking at the pits. I kept poking him hard-as-hell in the shoulder, and looking at the pits. He would not shut the fuck up! He shot me several glances that led me to believe he was going to eat my brains after smashing my melon on the pavement, but he would not shut up. So, in a whispery-echo voice I said, “Arrrrrrrrm Piiiiiiiiiits, arrrrrrrrrmmmmmm piiiiittttsss…” He kept talking. “Arrrrrrrrrrmmmmm piiiiiiiiitttts” +1 elbow jab to the ribs. He shut up, looked at me with laser-beam eyes and I nodded to the pits. He looked. He saw. We turned. We walked. We laughed our fucking asses off! Thus, another phrase of the month born.

But none of that matters because I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout R. And I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout arrrrrrrrrmmmm piiiiiiiittttts. I’m just talkin’ about what I put in the crock-pot this Saturday after returning from a trip to Wal-Mart during which I realized my front right tire was low, again.

What was it that I put in the crock-pot you say? Memories of teen lust, lost love, not so faded memories of trips down the rapids, laying out on the beach, sex on the couch, notes passed in the hallway, a beautiful smile, a stuffed bunny named Bright Eyes…all in the form of a stolen recipe.

I never forgot that one summer where I lied to her mom. She asked if I liked mushrooms, and I wasn’t exactly honest. So that night we had the result of nine hours of cooking that I never forgot. I remember the excitement as she told us she found a recipe in a magazine that said to alternate layers of mushrooms, onions and pork steaks until you ran out of pork. It said to season it with Worcestershire sauce, black pepper and a little garlic. Combined with heat-n-serve dinner rolls, it was awesome. I was in love, I learned that I liked mushrooms and the teen packaging of 1985 did not completely suck.

All this goes to show that at times when I don’t appear to be listening, when I don’t appear to be attentive and I appear to be far, far away…well, maybe I am multi-tasking. Anyone for leftovers?
_________________________________
Updated Re: Comments
















Bone Machine and I decided that since Kitty was the contestant that more closely followed the rules of the contest, the prize was rightfully hers. Shown here are some of the bonus items she was awarded, along with the grand prize, a YPS!! T-shirt. Thanks to Kitty for joining in on the fun, and to everyone that played along. And of course thank you to all that didn’t put a price on our heads for being “boys.”

May you wear it in good health Kitty…or at least inside out where no one will harass you and call you names.

Go! Speed Racer! Go!

Clickatize to Resize

UPDATED - The Other Side Inquires: Are Kel & J One in the Same?

I and other bloggers are starting to wonder about "two" frequent visitors to the YPS!! blog.

It seems that only when we are able to enjoy the company of "one", we are also able to enjoy the company of "the other".

But if "one" is away, "they" both are. Spooky. It's been suggested "they" are one in the same. We've asked the real blogger to stand up.

"One" of "them" claims to have a busted keyboard, "shorted out by milk" no less. HA! I say! HA!

Two? Doubtful.

"Even their voices are identical!" claims one expert. Another expert reminds, "Matter and anti-matter cannot occupy the same space. Look for the ectoplasm!"

Who ya gonna call? BlogBusters!



Part 2: I get mail. The blog has been around since January of this year. Notice any differences in the amount of mail between this year's red plottings and last year's green? I love the blog. I was curious after giving ~J~ such a hard time - who has STILL not surfaced may I point out - via email. I checked the stats and here is what I found.

___________________________________

She exists! Necklace and all... :)

Luncheon Discussion - or - What to do with Dead Animals

Lady A: I still have a turkey in my freezer that my son shot that I need to get rid of.

Me: Eat it!

Lady A: But it’s frozen and I need the room.

Me: Eat it!

Lady A: I just want to get rid of it.

Me: Ok, make some Turkey Jerky. Fun to say, fun to eat.

Lady A: I also have 3 deer I want to get rid of. I think I may just “toss it” when he goes away to school.

Lady B: Oh don’t waste venison! If you’re going to throw deer out, think of me.

Me: Why not put it in the drive, run over it, and then put it in your boss’ parking space before he arrives at the office in the morning?

Lady A: *shock*

Ladies B & C: *Giggles*

Me: Better yet, why not wait until the boss gets there and put it under his car so that he’ll be wondering how he managed to run over it, in his parking space, and not realize it?

Lady A: *shock*

Ladies B & C: *Giggles*

Me: Or, even better, put it in his bed!

Lady A: *shock* But…I…like his wife too much!

Me: She might like you more if you put it in the bed. Probably the most excitement she’s had in years.

Lady B: You get weirder and weirder all the time

Me: *smiles*

End of Discussion

Am NOT!

Just two streets away from where I live.

:(

Don't Open 'til Ho Ho Comes

…and the rocket's red glare
Even “Elfin Goodness”
The bombs bursting in air
can’t overcome the perils of
Gave proof through the night

that our flag was still there
sucky packaging!!
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
Be thankful.
O'er the land of the free
Remember.
and the home
The Gnome
of the
will never
brave?

give in.

Yet another holiday weekend...

so celebrate like a king.