Videos Killed the Blogging Stars

Bone Machine, I don't give a damn if anyone watches these are not. They be funny and shit.

More Creativity Than Disney:




Grand Slam:

Making or Breaking YPS!! with: The Trip Flix

(Click TITLE Link for Soundtrack)




Hurtin' For Shit To Do:





MOVE ON:

Your Packaging Sucks!! NEW Programming

The MUCH BETTER Trip Teaser:




The Short Trip Teaser:



Short video download


The Road Home:

Nuttin' but audio and laughs

Your Packaging Sucks!! The Re-Runs

What it lacks in subtlety, it makes up for in enthusiasm.

From the office breakroom...

No Class

So. What to do when the boy has a scheduled day off from school? Take the day off from work and...go to school! See, my sis is an elementary school teacher in the CITY and my boy goes to the COUNTY. I get to go and eat lunch with her crew and then compare and contrast when I go to lunch with his crew. BIG difference. Monday was the first chance he got to go with me as city was in, and county was out. This is us in the cafeteria and I have no idea what I'm whispering to him, but one would think I could have waited a second longer to press the shutter. Guess I was in too much of a hurry to get to the fish sticks. It was "Fish Stick Day"...take it away Tommy!



Sometimes being out of school can be a non-scheduled event. Like when some person that would end up being more concerned about her car than she would a rather dashing young man flat on the pavement pulls her car in front of said dashing young gent and proceeds to ruin his day and the next couple of days of school. (Place derogatory female descriptor here followed by double punctuation.) But no worries, I was fine thanks to the fine folks in the furniture truck and the fine REACT people stopping to check on me. AND my sis (the one mentioned above) got a new bike out of the deal. Damn I had that scar on my hand forever, it seemed. Wait, I can still see it if I squint! (Place derogatory female descriptor here followed by double punctuation.)

Quote of the Day (mid-day report)

"In the spirit of a global community competing against one another that this Olympic bullshit implies, I now hate every country equally. I now hate countries that I never even knew existed with the same piss and venom that I have harbored for other countries for decades. It's kind of beautiful really."

Happy Birthday Kentucky BRAT!!

I know, I ain't early. But my boy is here and we've been playing, so give me a break, and mind your head.

Enjoy your Blackbeard's Bum Cake. It came all the way from Gayman's Island! Happy bday, you old geezer!

(Why, no! This post isn't phallic in form.)

Quote of the Day (Good evenin' edition)

"It's so cold out there that I can count the degrees with all of my fingers. Of course, when it gets this cold, I truly only need my two middle fingers to do the job."

I Like-a Da Stellini!!

http://www.myspace.com/jamiestellini

http://www.themadparade.com/videos.html




This is Vacation Mode Bloggy reporting in on vacation excitement:

Ahhh, the Winter Olympics! I’ve actually been watching.

Oh, I can’t name names, or even recognize flags from other countries, but I feel for the folks that slip or fall. I find myself wanting them all to kick ass while I would like to kick the ass of whoever is responsible for that damn theme music. Sure, it’s tradition but motherfucker I’m sick of that “Daaaa, daaaa, da da da da...”

I had full intentions of doing an audio post set in the future where musicians everywhere are fucking sick of that theme song. They refuse to play it. In fact, and the Olympic Committee is forced to hire an out-of-work Lounge Whistler who, after several takes, just can’t seem to pull the theme off, though he’s whistling his “personal best”. At the end, he commits suicide while the mike is still on. (Yeah, it was that last part I had concerns about performing. You know how I always get into my roles and I didn’t want to be typecast as a dead guy.) Indeed, sports=evil.

Theme music aside, once upon a time, long long long ago, we had all-too-brief visits from Jamie Stellini. She and her blog co-contributor posted some amazingly funny stuff. Eventually the blog would cease to be updated and my heart sank. Once in a while I’d harass Jamie via email about more posts and about her music. The tunes I’ve heard are very good and there are hints in the air that an EP is to be released. Right now you can visit her MySpace.com site and check out a few tunes…and even see a video. I wish her much luck and success in getting where she wants to go musically and for crying out loud…Jamie...I miss da funny! (Is she not hawt in these pictures!? Woo!)

As I head off to finish up paying bills, doing laundry and generally getting crap out of the way before the three day weekend with my boy begins, I leave you with a postcard of me in Vacation Mode. (That’s me under the “KY” in Kentucky. Didn’t know I had such sexy legs did you? Eat your heart out Jamie Stellini!!)




“Daaaa, daaaa, da da da da...” BANG!! *collapsing body sound*

Bone Ho's Ukelele Madness.

One of our student workers went to Mexico for whatever folks go to Mexico to do and she was very kind to buy me this swanky ukelele. I'll be treating those brave souls that pay me a visit to various Black Sabbath and Ramones songs on the ukelele providing that I can get the beast in tune.

Any smartass requesting Toby Keith or Creed songs will be beaten with the pipe.

KICK OUT THE JAMS, MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Your Packaging Sucks!! the interviews

Put your hands together (yes, you too, Miss Poofy Hair)...for....

EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeclectic!

Part I

Section 2

Ahhh, Technology

It’s no secret to some in the office that I don’t much like my officemate. True she’s nice and makes a mean Minister’s Delight in the crock pot, but damn if she don’t get on my nerves.

She supports 2 databases. One of which is a website, and one of which sits on a server in one of our buildings here in town.

This second one, the one that’s across town, is connected to via Windows Remote Desktop. If you’ve never used Remote Desktop, it’s like a remote control more or less. You’re operating a program on another computer, from your computer. There are several counties in our state that connect to this computer and enter data. Anyone that has trouble with this application calls my officemate.

Today my officemate got a little bent when someone called her from one of our offices in a neighboring town. It seems that the report my officemate printed to the printer on her desk…ended up actually printing on a printer in the other city. Now, after I get myself past all the privacy concerns, I giggle about this.

Later in the day, that same site from the other city calls her and says they can’t print at all. My officemate helps them choose the “proper printer” from their list. Shortly after doing so, their report prints on my officemate’s printer. Then my officemate gets the brilliant idea of faxing it to them.

So yeah, long distance, she faxes their multi-page report to them rather than call the dude in charge of the server and have him fix it, or rather than scanning and emailing the document.

None of this may make any sense, but I find it damn funny. I find it funny that is causes her grief and that I’m about to go on vacation in 26 minutes.

Happy Valentine's Day from YPS!!

Paint It Black (Jagger/Richards)


I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love, both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not forsee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I wanna see it painted black, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun, blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black

You Say It With Blog!

At first I thought about stealing Bone's idea and recycle last year's post. But I had visions of pain and discomfort after the thievery. Then I thought about a mushy poem. But I saw Bone's hidden V Day post and blew that all to hell. So I'm sneaking this in early, in accordance with the prophecy, as is tradition.


For you...



A 100% Originial Simontine, and...





A Cole-la-gee of Borrowedness!!

Happy Birthday, Henry Rollins!!

This will completely display my fanboy status and overall geekery in all its glory. At this stage of life, I've given up on trying to be cool and hip, so I just say what the hell. It was a lost cause from day one.

Like everyone in the world, I've been through some shit. It's all a part of being alive and I guess the true test of being alive is how you handle the shit that is dished up for you on a daily basis. You either move forward or you get trampled. Like it or not, that's just how it is.

As times get tough, there are things in life that come along to make everything seem tolerable. These things may not take away the pain, but they apply a little topical ointment to take away some of the sting. Be it an inspirational person, a favorite poem, a song that doesn't suck, a damn fine book, or just the gut feeling that things will get better. I've been lucky that when I've personally hit rock bottom (and believe me, I've hit it so often that I'm a frequent flyer and I've hit so fucking hard that I've bounced) that I've had good things and good people to pick up the pieces.

One of these inspirational figures in my life is a gent named Henry Rollins. In 1992, I was a much younger man and generally thought the world was a semi-okay place. I'd seen some of its ugliness, but it really didn't stick to my shoe and make that annoying rain on rubber sole sound.

Although I'd officially been introduced to some of the Black Flag material in high school and even saw the Rollins Band open for Jane's Addiction in 1991, my true introduction occurred in 1992. I bought a copy of The End of Silence and it was a little lopsided musically and I didn't fully grasp the power of that album until I saw the band again at 328 Performance Hall, a small club in Nashville, Tennessee. August 1, 1992 for those that require pinpoint accuracy as far as dates go. It was one of those shows that completely rearranged the contents of my skull and as far as intensity goes, it was off the scale. My co-pilot, The Almighty, and I began the drive home in complete silence while trying to grasp the full scope of what we'd just witnessed. Whatever it was, I'd become a hard core follower during that performance.

As time progressed and some of the aforementioned shit began to add up, I found inspiration in Henry's music, his books, and his spoken word. I could relate to things in his writing that directly applied to my own life. As much as I liked Kiss in my formative years, I didn't get a lot of inspiration from them. Although the Ramones kicked my ass something fierce and Johnny Ramone was pretty much my only true guitar inspiration, it was different with Rollins.

Everyone has that person that totally breaks their heart at some point in their life. When I was in the shitter over a chick that was bad news from the start, it was Henry's work that put my wheels back on the road again. I saw my first Rollins spoken word show a week to the day after my father died and it reminded me that I could still laugh. I met the man for the first time after that show and rather than drop a total fanboy geek trip on him saying how much his work meant to me (like I'm doing right now), I settled for a righteous hand shake and an autograph on a book.

So rather than type on like a complete tool, I will simply wish one of my all-time heroes a very happy birthday and thank him for the perspective and the inspiration that I've gotten from his work. If you are unfamiliar with the man and this shit has somehow intrigued you, feel free to check out some of his writing or go buy a copy of The End Of Silence or Now Watch Him Die.

It Must Be Cold Out

He thought those were Braille bumps.

A Few Moments With Bone

Sparing NO Expense to Bring You the Goods on Bad & Sucky Packaging

No where on the letter I received today from my cell phone provider does it say "This is not an invoice." Which is fine, because I'm not a total idiot. (watch it!) Those invoice thingies, the things I sometimes pay? Yeah, they come in an envelope with a colored stripe. This one didn't. No stripe=no invoice=no napkins=no tips=sports=evil (for all those playing at home)

I started to throw it away, but what the heck. I opened it up and said, "Oh yeah. The dude said that there would be a letter telling me about the no charge turning on International Calling. It would be simply a courtesy letter, and not a bill."

I’d called him to make sure I didn’t need to do anything special, like dial any codes when calling Canada. I live a very sheltered life and I don’t know anyone outside of the US of A. (That I’m aware of.) I was setting all this up so I could do my three-way call with Effie…who is up in Canada.

So I look it over, even though I clearly know THIS IS NOT AN INVOICE.

I quickly got finished with the first side of the page and turned it over. That's when I saw this, had heart failure, and called my provider.

Yikes!

my net access is down!!

my net access is down!! and I owe Eclectic an apology for not correctly reading her post and messing up her interview

High. Voltage. High. Voltage. YPS!!

Your Packaging Sucks!! the interviews

Ladies and dudes....all the way from Canada.....Effie!

Part I:

Part II:

Yes, it is still Bone Machine's birthday, but I thought I would go ahead and "turn on" this post for something new and exciting as part of the special day.

First Ever YPS!! Reverse Roast– Happy Birthday Bone Machine!!

Dude, you’re loved, what can I say?

It's early 'roundchere, but, Happy Birthday man!!

(Sorry, but you're on your own to figure out who's who! What?! I can't reveal my sources!)