Time Of The Preacher.

It's been a long time since we've had story time and I guess this is the ideal time to spark up the fireplace and get all Mark Twain on you good people. Maybe we can coax Norman Rockwell to do up an oil painting of the scene from beyond the realms of death. That is supposing that you can get art supplies after death. Shipping has got to be a bitch and a half.

Many, many years ago (probably around 1987 or so), a gentleman in our circle of friends brought over a tattered cassette tape that supposedly I just had to hear. Okay, what the fuck. I had ears and I had the time. There was no way that I could have been sufficiently buckled up and prepared for what I was about to hear.

I pushed play and the tape started rolling some of the funniest shit that I have heard in my life. On my more generous days, I might say that hearing it was right up there with hearing Richard Pryor for the first time, but that might be a bit over the top because I regard Richard Pryor to be the funniest man to ever grace this planetary orb. Regardless, it was some seriously funny shit.

You may ask yourself "What is it?" Unfortunately, I don't have a sufficient answer to that question and I really wish that I did. From day one, the material in question was shrouded in mystery as there was no label or information on the tape and no one seems to know or remember where it came from. Like an abandoned child, it just sort of showed up.

What "it" is is audio of a pissed-off preacher going off and "layin' the truth down, as they say" on an unsuspecting congregation. It starts off like a slow-burn and escalates into a supernova of cool sayings and phrases that instantly became a part of the dialogue among friends at the time. Hell, some of those phrases are still there in heavy rotation and aren't likely to go away, because they're simply that good.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a fresh and new Maxell XLII at my disposal at the time and since it wasn't an Alice Cooper bootleg or something vital, I didn't have a problem just dubbing the tape onto some no-name piece of shit formerly blank cassette. The miracle is that the cassette never completely died and it probably should have as I played the hell out of it. To say that it got circulated is a vast understatement. Pretty much anyone that came in contact with me that I thought could handle the message heard it. They just had to.

As with many formats, the cassette days were numbered and since I had no clue who was responsible for this audio masterpiece and there was no way to try to obtain a new copy of it, my tape was essentially retired. More accurately, it was put into a box of cassettes and was basically missing in action. In the back of my mind, I always wondered about the origins of the recording and always dreamed of getting a copy on CD or something semi-permanent. Many years passed and it sort of slipped on the list of priorities.

A few weeks ago, I was chatting with the world famous Circus Kelli and somehow the topic of this old recording came up. On a whim, I did a quick search and came up empty. This isn't surprising since I really didn't know who or what to search for in hopes of bagging the big game. Maybe it was a Christmas miracle delivered early, but CK sent a link asking if that was possibly what I was talking about. Unfortunately it was a dead link as I think the person had posted it in something like 2006 or so. The description sort of sounded like it could be the one, but I would guess there are several angry preachers and angry preacher parodies out there. Three or four at the very least. Maybe five. I just don't know.

Thinking that there might be a shot that this was indeed the lost treasure, I posted something vaguely resembling a plea on this dude's blog asking if he could possibly email the MP3 to me as I had been trying to track this thing down for years. I had all but forgotten about my plea when I got an email from the dude with an MP3 attached.

As soon as I saw that it had arrived, I made a beeline for my office to check and see just what in the hell was going on. It was a surreal moment to hear this blast from the past to come through my speakers. It had been cleaned up a bit and I damn near wept just knowing that this was indeed the same recording and it was in a nice format to survive for a few more generations. Most importantly, it was still absolutely hilarious. One day, I envision myself walking into the workplace and borrow a few lines from the preacher and start off the rant with "I'm tired of so much shit around here" and rework it a tad for the stunning conclusion "This will determine today whether I will continue to be an employee here or not. If so, fine. That's what I want to do. But if not, fuck it!"

I'd like to personally give Circus Kelli the Nancy Drew Sleuth Of The Year award for locating this seemingly lost gem and an incredibly sincere THANK YOU. I officially take back the countless times that I referred to Trace Adkins as Gene Simmons.

Now on with the show. You can hear this masterpiece on the player to the left. You really owe it to yourself to give it a listen. If you don't find it amusing, then you may need a humor check-up.

Do Not Eat

I know just how he feels.

The coolest thing to arrive at Disgraceland...

since the Lemmy action figure. Yes, folks. It's the Smoking Donkey!!




















I figure my options are to either take up smoking (it does look quite glamorous) or turbo-charge the donkey into some form of weapon to launch projectiles at uninvited guests to my sacred territory. It's good to have choices in life.


Thank you, Archie McPhee for being the source for cool-ass shit.

workin' for the weekend (without wearing a Canadian headband)

There's also a weekend recap audio post over there to the left. If you don't check it out, then you're only getting random cell phone camera images and not the story. Don't be a nasal spelunker, check it out. You can spare a few moments. Really. You can.









Tommy Womack, sensitive artist...















...his evil twin.
















It's really just violent ice capades.

















Zamboni Man!

The Nasal Spelunker...digging for lost treasure and shooting me the skunk eye simultaneously.

Wow.

The place was packed. No seats left, people standing. Books were sold. CDs were sold. Books and CDs were autographed. And...Tommy was informed that he can return whenever he wants and can even make it a regular stop. And the tip jar was full to the top. Could not have gone any better.

Awesome job Tommy!! I am KICKING myself that I didn't bring my REAL camera. Gah!

Happy Birthday, Momma Bloggerific!

Well, looks like I didn't get photos of everyone like I thought. I'm slipping in my old age.

Happy birthday, Mom!! I hope through all the dishes that kept pouring out of, and back into, the kitchen at the best food joint in town, and through all the noise and commotion that you were able to get SOME sense that we all love ya. I hope you know, that we all know, how lucky we are to have you in our lives.

From the Local Newspaper

Womack to play Owensboro on Friday

11/13/2008

By Patricia Wiles

Madisonville Messenger

NASHVILLE -- Tommy Womack stood on a makeshift stage, accompanied by a can of Diet Coke and a guitar.

"At the end of a show, it's important to send the audience out on the right beat," Womack told the crowd at the Southern Festival of Books. "I feel like this is where it's at for me." He slammed a few chords, then belted out a sincere rendition of "I Am Woman."

The audience joined in for the chorus, backing Womack as he sang, "I am strong; I am invincible."

It's the flipside to the Madisonville native's music, through which he expresses his insecurities and philosophies, anger and regrets, the frustrations of middle age and his contentment with marriage and fatherhood.

Womack will perform from 5:15 to 6 p.m. Friday on WFMW's Hilltop Jamboree radio show, at 7:30 p.m. Friday at The Creme Coffee House in Owensboro and at 8 p.m. Tuesday at Blackwell's Diner on West Center Street in Madisonville.

Womack showed an interest in art, music and creative writing while a student at Madisonville-North Hopkins High School.

"I got my first guitar in the summer of '78," he said. "God made me a writer. I made myself a musician."

After graduating from MNHHS in 1980, Womack attended Western Kentucky University. From 1985-1992, he played in an indie rock band called Government Cheese, then did a three-year stint with another group, the Bis-Quits.

In 1995, he published a book about his experiences with the first band, titled "Cheese Chronicles: The True Story of a Rock and Roll Band You've Never Heard Of." The book has sold more than 6,000 copies.

"Not bad for an indie publisher," Womack said. "The book made me more famous in (Nashville) than my music."

Womack's newest book is "The Lavender Boys and Elsie," a novel about a gay Confederate regiment during the Civil War. It's surprised him that some readers believe his work is nonfiction.

"I convinced a group of readers in Georgia there was an uncloseted gay regiment called the Lavender Boys," Womack said. "It was intoxicating."

During his Madisonville visit, Womack, who lives in Nashville, will perform original songs from his six solo albums, including tunes from his most recent recording, "There, I Said It." The album was named by a critic as one of the top 100 records of 2007 in USA Today and one of the top five local Americana records in a Nashville Scene year-end critics poll.

Womack couldn't have predicted today's accomplishments back in 2003, when drug addiction and financial problems nearly caused him to abandon his career. The songs came to him as he struggled to get clean and stay in the business.

"(The album) was really about all my failed dreams as a musician," he said. It has been his most popular to date. He toured in September and October, performing his music in England, North and South Carolina, Georgia, Texas and Oklahoma.

"I thought it was all over, I have no reason to do this," he said. "Then every time I thought I was out of the music game, it keeps coming back. It's a pleasant surprise."

He's most proud of "Nice Day," a song about spending a day at the pool with his wife, Beth, and son, Nathan.

"It's the best song I've ever written because it has a point," he said. "It's direct, honest, simple, naked and begins where it ends -- like a good story should." It received the Nashville Scene best song award last year.

Womack believes the album has helped him find his audience because he was willing to "write nakedly."

"It's the first record where all the songs are about me," he said. "It's vulnerable, and people have responded to it."

Drummer Clint Combs, of Earlington, and Nashville bass player Dan Seymoure will join Womack at Blackwell's on Tuesday. Friday's performance on WFMW will be live in the studio, according to host Pat Ballard.

"Tommy's very well thought of around Nashville in songwriting circles," Ballard said. "We're thrilled to get him on the show."

WFMW radio broadcasts at 730 on the AM dial.

On this day...

I say thank you.

And Owensboro Shall Rock

Rumor has it that YPS!! favorite tunesmith, Mr. Tommy Womack, will be performing in...Owensboro, Ky. Yes! It's been long hoped for and it's on the actual schedule, so we're rather excited.

Yep, said rumor has it that on November 14th, Tommy will make his way to Madisonville, Ky for a radio broadcast and will then make his way to the lovely town of Owensboro. Once here we'll head downtown for some coffee and tunes and hopefully refills of both, and we're going to try and beg him for autographs on his latest novel, The Lavender Boys and Elsie.

Then, on the 18th, the staff of YPS!! is going to make an attempt at going to Madisonville where Tommy will play at Blackwell's diner.

November is RAWKIN' in Kentucky!!

Systematic Fuh-reak

Systematic Fuh-reak

And there it was, again

You see, if you assimilate routine as a symbiotic function
You tend to create déjà vu like the churning wake of a slow moving barge
As you make mental tick marks on your schedule of events like knots in a rope to measure speed
Echoed repetitions more readily occur in the form of old acquaintances in the other lane
Acknowledged, but not spoken to

With the proper marks ticked, the journey begins redux
And right on cue, there it was again, as it always was
Moving along in a don’t-fuck-with-me fashion, as one would expect a road barge to do

Again, the imagined scenario springs to life, tempting reality with likelihood
“If he weren’t on such a straight road or if maybe that cop would enter the intersection unexpectedly…”
He can’t just will the snap of the chain in a clink-clink-clink-release fashion
There’s no way those aluminum ingots will unleash themselves into parked car in a CHiPs reprise

The mass of aluminum screams
RAGE!
RAGE!
RAGE!
RAGE!

But this echo has yet to be uttered


Until now

-mr bloggerific himself, 11062008

[a follow-up of sinister sorts to I Have Top Secret Plans.]

Slim Goodbody - Nutri City: Think No Evil

Slim's on tour! Click here for dates.


Also, this just in: Even Amazon knows it's always about packaging!!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html/?ie=UTF8&docId=1000276271