People around me to tend regard me as a kook simply because of the things that I do that can be described as "different." Most of those things are usually just a way of me messing with people for my own entertainment. A gent has to get his kicks somewhere and somehow. Commandeering the art gallery to display styrofoam packing material as artwork? Yeah, I did that...twice. Proudly displaying rotten pumpkins on my work desk? Uh huh. I did that, too. Keeping three jars of salmonella-tainted peanut butter on my shelf as collector's items? Check. Keeping a jar of bubbles on my desk, so that I can send them over the rail outside the Disgraceland waiting room to the first floor? Guilty as charged. Throwing a kernel of corn over said rail at a workplace Thanksgiving potluck just to make the student worker laugh? Well hell, I also did that.
One thing that you won't see or hear me do is praise this meteorological bullshit known as winter weather. I work with a few people (the true kooks and social deviants) that insist on spreading lies and pro-winter propaganda anytime there is snow falling from the sky. The moment the first flake falls, I get to hear crap-talk like "Isn't it beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful?" They take great pride in their vowel-heavy cute-speak.
Beautiful, my ass. It's a damn declaration of war is what it is...the weather, not my ass.
Yes, folks, I am at war with nature. Admittedly, the Kentucky version of winter doesn't compare with that of the states north of this geographical shithole and I won't pretend that it even comes close. For you good people up north, God bless you. I do not know how you do it without going absolutely crazy ass bonkers.
I figure since I encounter so many people appear to love the winter, then they must love treacherous roadways, scraping icy windshields, automotive doors frozen shut, shoveling snow from walkways, making treks across frozen tundra, ice storms that snap power lines, and all of the goodness that comes with this season of shit. I hate all of the above. Yet somehow, I am the kook.
I actually had someone tell me that "we" had to find a way for me to appreciate winter. If I could set fire to the very clouds that bring the snow, I would do it and at that point, I might appreciate winter. I guess, in theory, it's just a matter of working out the logistics.
To Mother Nature and Jumpin' Jack Frost, forget the Coke and a smile. Take a giant icicle from your beloved winter season of shit and shove it up yer ass. That's got to be make an ice cream headache seem like a trip to the fuckin' park.
